Recently, on Facebook, I came across a post of an anxious expectant mom. She explained that she had two children at home and a third on the way but she did not currently have insurance coverage. She had to cancel all her remaining prenatal visits and she was very concerned about how she would cover the hospital bill when it came time for delivery. According to her state laws, she should qualify to receive Medicaid, but so far her application had not been fully processed despite her multiple efforts to get it finalized. With medical coverage in limbo and the anxiety growing by the day, she began to think of various options and had come to the conclusion that she had two: 1.) to give birth at home unassisted and without having had prenatal care or 2.) let her baby be adopted.
Yes. Go ahead and read that again. A capable, loving mom of two with a third on the way is considering adoption for her baby because she doesn’t know how she will pay the hospital bill. You might be thinking, “Can this be real? How can a mother think she might have to give away her child just because of a hospital bill?” Unfortunately, it happens all too often. Expectant moms and dads find themselves in a temporary crisis but end up making a permanent decision based on the situation. Sadly, I have heard this story before as it is also the situation Rene Gelin, Founder of Saving our Sisters, found herself in. You can listen to Rene’s story at this link…
Why would this thought even be in the mind of a mother simply because of a temporary situation? Because the people behind the marketing of the adoption agencies have done an excellent job over the course of many years promoting “Adoption is beautiful”, “Adoption is a gift”, “Adoption is best”, “Birth moms are brave”, “Birth moms are strong”, “Birth moms are selfless.”
Mothers instinctively want what’s best for their babies and to protect their children. If someone stepped up to educate a mother about the real effects of adoption… the separation trauma and physiological changes it causes, living with the fear of abandonment/rejection, the identity crisis, the mental health issues, feelings of being torn between families, life-long grief, the feeling incomplete… they wouldn’t want to do that to their baby. Then add in the effects it also has on the kept siblings and other family members. Agencies aren’t going to tell an expectant mom considering adoption these things because they need women to believe that by giving up their baby they are performing an amazing act of selfless love for their baby and giving hopeful adoptive parents a priceless gift. Without the supply (expectant moms willing to relinquish their babies) they can’t fulfill the demand (hopeful adoptive parents who want a baby.) Did you know that there are over 30 couples waiting to adopt for every 1 infant that becomes available? The agencies and lawyers aren’t making money if there is no baby to adopt, no completed transaction. If the agencies can get society to believe their propaganda, how easy is it for an expectant mom in crisis to be subtly coerced into believing that if she does this “beautiful, brave” act, she will somehow set everything right. This could not be further from the truth.
“We must speak the truth about adoption or else we are going to continue allowing generation after generation of babies to be separated from their families by unnecessary adoption.”
Pull back the curtain to look past the prevailing portrayal that “adoption is beautiful” and see what is truly going on behind the scenes. There are more coercive, deceptive, unethical and sometimes flat out illegal practices than most want to believe, these are not just issues from the past. Follow the money and you’ll find the people who are pulling the strings. We have to stop falling for their slick, marketing campaigns. We must speak the truth about adoption or else we are going to continue allowing generation after generation of babies to be separated from their families by unnecessary adoption.
Speak the truth.
Adoption is family separation. Adoption is pain. Adoption is complex. Adoption is trauma.