When adoptees want to know about or search for their biological families, some of the first things we are met with are “Why? They gave you away!” or “What will your parents think about that?” or “Don’t you know that you’ll hurt them?” or “We are your family, that’s all you need.” Many adoptees feel so much guilt for just wanting to know about their own beginnings and about their biological families and feel a huge burden to be loyal to their adoptive family that they either search in secret or don’t search until after their adoptive parents have passed away.
What many fail to understand is that our longing to search has nothing to do with our adoptive family. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love them or that we aren’t grateful. We should not have to choose between families and our loyalty is not divided. Our hearts are big enough to love all of our family!
“Loving one’s adoptive family and longing to meet or learn more about one’s first/birth family are not mutually exclusive”Tara Vanderwoude
When you marry someone, it is accepted that there is a whole family that comes with them. It’s a package deal! It’s the same for adoptees. We have a family that will always be a part of us.